I should be allowed to...

- state that fat people are literally shittier than the rest of us without being judged since they have bigger guts and eat more. 

- tell my mom that she doesn't get to pull the "I gave birth to you" card since I was the result of alcohol and a mistimed pull out. 

- shoot AK in the face on principle on any given day and doubly on holidays. 

- say that i don't really care about how big a girl really is... "her ass is huge" and it usually matches the rest of her. 

- tell people to stop calling Jesus their "personal savior" if they say he's meant for everyone. 

- laugh at women with bullshit senses of entitlement and confidence

- std test people before letting them sit on anything I own.

- curse in church. The book of revelation alone should give me at least 10 uses of "did you see that shit?"

- ask all black people who claim to be indian to show me their moccasins. 

- demand that all big assed women used industrial toilet paper.