The Clasis

Truly, I'm about the singular plural 

Two urban rifles that look rural
We're built to euthanize the moral
Mercy? Rest in peace to our laurels

Covert team - but we know you know
No real names - only aliases and covers
So don't ask Rob about his unused "o"
I'm sure he left it in your bitch's covers

I'd bet money that your chick would call
Well, she would but only if we let her
It's not just you. We're better than all
You just goods. We are just betters

We're not the type to live out fiction
We took to books and gave up the corners
Degrees, medals, victims, checks - addiction
Still - all of my skill references are coroners

You can't buy your way into the crew so you should try to sell a bit
We're so fucking right I guess you had no choice but to be left celibate

Gays and Married Women Should Wear Burkas

"Did you come to bring us presents??!"

"No little Timmy, I'm here to tell you that you'll be dead before Christmas."

If dressing up as Santa to tell children that they have cancer at the local hospital has taught me anything - it has taught me that disappointments suck. 

With that said, I propose that we do something proactive about the two leading causes of adult disappointment - attractive men that are gay and women that are married/faithful.

Before - "damn I would love to..."

 

After - "Who's that smelly bitch in the sheet?"

I have just saved marriage. 

You're welcome. 

I should be allowed to...

- state that fat people are literally shittier than the rest of us without being judged since they have bigger guts and eat more. 

- tell my mom that she doesn't get to pull the "I gave birth to you" card since I was the result of alcohol and a mistimed pull out. 

- shoot AK in the face on principle on any given day and doubly on holidays. 

- say that i don't really care about how big a girl really is... "her ass is huge" and it usually matches the rest of her. 

- tell people to stop calling Jesus their "personal savior" if they say he's meant for everyone. 

- laugh at women with bullshit senses of entitlement and confidence

- std test people before letting them sit on anything I own.

- curse in church. The book of revelation alone should give me at least 10 uses of "did you see that shit?"

- ask all black people who claim to be indian to show me their moccasins. 

- demand that all big assed women used industrial toilet paper. 

The Catch up Pt 1 - Who do you think you are?

1. Political Correctness - This goes out to all of you that value civility and political correctness to a fault - fuck you retarded hoe nigga bitches. My issue with you comes from your negativity. How about you be proactive instead of just trying to take all of the joy out of my life? All of the words I just used are amazing to use even when they don't make any sense.

 For example: 

 - I'm so tired of this nigga assigning this bull. (in reference to old white professor)

- Ah yeah we in this bitch! (in reference to attending church)

- His retarded ass put that text convo about him not being able to get it up on instagram. (In reference to T Legendputting one of the homies E.D. problem on blast. #BluePillProblems)

- Bill Clinton? That's my nigga. (no explanation needed)

I have no problem altering my language but I just need for you to give me alternatives that are just as readily awesome. 

2. People Who Bury Time Capsules. So you're just confident that the people of the future want to explore your funky ass shit, huh? 

"Drive my flying car to get some space vag? Nah fuck that I want to read about this kid's thoughts about how high school was hard...and look he left his ratty ass moth ball covered letterman too! Neato!"

We have the internet. If anyone wants to know about our time...it's not hard to find sources. Hell just wait for yet another shitty decade party. 

"Remember when we lived through the 90s and decided never to wear that shit again? ...let's wear that shit again!" 

3. Facebook Broads- so you tooks one fine picture of yourself (it's usually a damn lie) and now you feel like you are to be the most exclusive bitch on facebook. Look here stupid, adding someone as a friend does not equate to sucking them up in a dark alley. Get over yourself or get therapy. It is not normal to get off on seeing how many pending friend requests you have. 

Also, being thirsty/desperate/forward on facebook is allowed because when you think about it the whole basis of it is creepy as hell. Don't act like you use it to find lost relatives and not as your own CSI name checker smh. 

4. Impersonation - You know how much fun it would be if I could dress up like a surgeon or a cop? I'd have the time of my life! But alas I can't...it's illegal. The very definition of fraud. With that said:

Self-esteem is not meant for unattractive fat women. 

You talking about how great you are is fraudulent and your big ass should be thrown in jail. Yeah I know there are places that love big women but I'm from a country where food exists...so umm fuck that. 

Stop that shit. I'm tired of tolerating loud overbearing "I know I look good" ass females. Your stupid ass doesn't know shit and should go sit down somewhere. Actually, damn that. Stand your fat ass up. You don't deserve to torture another chair. Do stairs or something. Shit's gross. 

I don't care. Yeah I said it...fuck all of you. this self esteem delusion that you have talked yourself into is preventing you from feeling shame and I find that upsetting because I amounted to something in my life as a man just so I can more efficiently publicly disregard you. But no you just think that you're the one bitch who can violate the laws of nature and try to make me look shallow. Fuck I look like. Ha. 

Broke lame ass dudes are your speed. in fact you are their punishment for being so broke and lame. Fat women are like distance running. They are the punishment of every other activity given for bad behavior; even though their are a few dumbasses that act as though they enjoy it. 

This topic also applies to all of you that dress sexy or talk all that shit and then suck ass in bed. smh. Don't try that shit with me. I will waive my right of silence to tell your dead fish ass about yourself. "Bitch you should've stayed a virgin or look into being a nun. Walk with Jesus broad."

5. Fat People - Oh so you're entitled to just be big as hell without us being able to look or say anything? When the fuck was that deal made?? Stop fucking eating or go outside...at some point. "But I have a gland disorder" Well then I'd advise you to fix that shit or stop acting like you can go anywhere or where anything without judgment. And don't even try to cry about how hard your life is... I don't give a shit about you or your molasses tears. 

Don't know if this applies to you? Then it does. Boom, question answered. Better yet go look at the Air Force or Coast Guard's height/weight requirements - if they wouldn't let you join their bullshit ranks to potentially go die then you may be headed down the honey glazed road to gross. 

I'm not saying that fat people can't be desirable (they mostly can't) or that they are to be social hermits. I'm just saying quit expecting the rest of us to give you a pass like you have some unfair birth defect. "But I eat to deal with my problems." Bitch, I'd advise you to get less problems. I mean shit...the weight of the world must really be stressing you the fuck out. 

If this offends you then you should...well go swim in a t-shirt or crack another tub of animal fat to eat your problems away. Maybe if you eat enough Taco Bell will name their next slop pit after you. 

Madea is harder than Tyler Perry

"Chief that bomb will go off and kill millions....unless someone can direct a musical while sucking the suspect's dick."

"Call a ho!"
"We have no time!"
"Will you suck this dick for... oh well damn you're just already at it, huh?...shit."

Until the above scene is made verbatim...don't call Tyler Perry's agent.

Alex Cross the movie... Are you fucking serious? Really? The top bad ass male lead in Hollywood is now Madea? Actually not Madea. Indeed, his big ass cross dressing alto ego is more intimidating than Tyler Perry is on his own.




I'm truly disgusted. Forget Idris Elba...was the crackhead off of E. 119th not looking at scripts this season? At least I know he's at least seen a weapon. If Tyler Perry had me at gunpoint I'd open hand slap the shit out of him on principle. The fuck I look like getting stuck up by a guy that dresses like a butch female senior citizen in the name of Jesus?

Not gonna lie. Casting is not my forte so maybe I'm wrong. It's possible that I've just missed the brilliance that is his potential to be an action star. I mean to be able to fake curse at and threaten children despite wearing pounds of fake bosom and dealing with the restrictions of the panties that you wrote into the script for you to put on...that takes skill.

I try to be objective but then I get that ridiculous ass voice in my head saying "good mor-ting - I'm living for the "lort"" and before I can choose my words with the care and sensitivity that I know the situation deserves, I find that I've already said what my soul chose for me to say:

This is some ol' bullshit.

Although I'm impressed that you are a pioneer in making me disbelieve shit about you more and more by the minute (like you playing any role where you're married to a woman - nigga-that's awkward around women -please) stick to pushing the envelope for my grandma and her friends.

So mote it be,

Marc Tullius 





P.S - The entire muslim world is offering billions to get their hands on that one "bold" asshole that made Sex and the City 4: Muhammad's Revenge...so why we are in debt? I'll personally pay for the postage.

 I'm being told that that was not Sarah Jessica Parker in the movie; just a camel. I joke...but seriously though it looks like they got Hot Topic's top designers to design that bitch's face. Slipknot shirt or SJP?

It's like her mom wasn't going to have children and then saw the Wizard of Oz and just got inspired. "I won't stop until I can have a child with command over monkeys."

How to Think like Me

I'm about to show you what it's like to think as me for 20 minutes haha. I'm just going to start with something I feel is annoying as hell and will link all following comments with that train of thought. For example, I'm watching football and they juts gave me a local bowling update.  

1. Context does not control everything... being a bowling league badass is universally fucking lame. So tell your lame ass uncle who traded in his soul for learning to make a ball spin to shut the fuck up. oh you bowl 300s? That's so funny because it appears that you still work at Sears and live in an unmovable trailer.The President has an alley in his house and he probably sucks ass at it...he's still better than you as a human though...why? Because it's not that damn important. Unless you're Peter Weber. Yeah unless you're him kill yourself...violently. 

2. Who the fuck is buying unmovable trailers? How the fuck do you expect to dodge the tornadoes that inevitably aim for your hill billy asses? I mean shit wasn't that the one advantage besides lowering peoples' expectations without you opening your mouth?  Then again there is logic in hoping that some disaster does take out that shitty place in hopes of being able to do interviews and say "we lost our home". don't look at me funny...fuck you and fuck those overselling media whores. You saying you "lost your home" is just like a boy-scout saying he lost his when the sprinklers took out his backyard tent. 

3. Stop letting little boys get raped. Actually I'm not going to call it rape...it's more like social sacrifice. We send them in cutesy ass "uniforms" into the woods with men over 40 and then blame the men. Granted, they have a part in it too but there's a reason we keep the girl scout bitches within walking distance of the Walmart entrance. More over - I blame we as society for not editing and amending the Bible sooner. As it is now priests naturally fear sleeping with women out of wedlock because God says no but since the don't lube up altar boys commandment didn't make the cut it's an international gray area. Hell nah. 

4. Why is it that a great majority of society believes that if I'm a perfect person but commit a few subjective "sins" like believing the wrong guy said the right thing I'll burn eternally in hell but if I find a guy attempting to rape my mother I have to operate within the bounds of the Constitution? I want consistency. If you transgress I want to be able to throw you into a fucking volcano or a more conveniently found lake of fire. 

5. Speaking of the word "convenient" - is it not ironic that that's one of the most inconvenient pain in the ass words to spell? We all know that language and more specifically words are arbitrarily made up (ie "bling bling" is in the dictionary). So why don't we just take the shitty ones out? We don't have to delete them if you don't feel comfortable. Just through in a few consonants randomly and call that shit Russian. 

6. Vladimir Putin is a badass. Yet, to dictate our foreign policy we intentionally look for people to handle conflict in a way that would make them get beat up everyday of their high school careers. The presidential approach involves words and concepts such as "diplomacy" and "I won't fight you but I know some people who will in my place". They "talk" it out via translators using words that are not easy to translate. "The American people and I would greatly appreciate your acquiescence in the matter in to order to avoid further sanctions." I would pay double my taxes to have a president just lean into the mic at the U.N. and say, "We have these summits in New York just so you can see what our normal people are like. They do not give a fuck about each other. Keep that in mind the next time one of you wants to start some shit. Yeah yeah peace, love and soul but don't confuse us with these Canadian bitches. We will fuck you up. Ask a three tittied Japanese bitch." 

7. Japan is the most technologically advanced culture on the planet but they can't locate where the fuck an 18 story lizard goes when he leaves the shore? Sonar bitches. Sonar. And what the fuck does he want? Just to stomp around and break shit whenever he feels like it? Damn. Godzilla is Japan's ex girlfriend.

8. Stereotypes about women are wrong. It's wronger that some of these bitches continue to live them out like it's something to aspire to. Why is it that every generation of male across race, creed and culture can all laugh and agree about the same shit that you do?? Hell even my dog nods to 99 problems. I take it back. I'm offended that human women can be referred to as female dogs. Dogs can be trained and are mans' best friend. Women are much more like cats. Cats will hate you for a reason...or if they fucking feel like it. 

9. Who the hell is in charge of personifications? Women = bitches but yet they hate men who are dogs? Dumb. But if I told you I saw this cat our there dancing like an idiot that means a man was dancing like a jackass. More over how is everything else related to a women described in terms of "cat fights", "pussy" etc. 

10. Why am I the only one comfortable enough to admit that I will love a horrible movie for shallow reasons? ie Catwoman. Halle in a catsuit? Deserved the oscar - fuck you Million Dollar Baby. I know it's good technically but on the whole it's about a mediocre fighter getting paralyzed...that shit's depressing and lacks content. The content of Halle in a catsuit. Oh I'm the only one that's this barbaric..? Explain how she won an Oscar for Monster Ball then.  

11. In hindsight was Clint Eastwood coaching her or the stool? haha With his affinity for furniture and given the fact that the stool unquestionably won...it could be debated. Better question...why is it that Americans are so willing to attribute intelligence to people as though it's the prerequisite for talent in all fields. I'm sick and tired of "oh you're good at acting, sports or fucking black people on camera (hey Kim!) so you must have cogent thoughts on politics or anything else relevant to the civilized world." 

12. I'm tired of illogical people preaching to me. If God can do all things - can He lie to you just for His own amusement? No? Then you don't really believe that all things are possible now do you? ha. Yeah I guess that may be a little too advanced for your deduction or reasoning skills. 

13. Why is it that logic can only apply to certain situations or certain groups? For example, if I run at the police with a painted BB Gun and they shoot me in the face then it's not regarded as murder or anything of the like. It's written up as a "police assisted suicide." This may tip the legal scales against me in the future but fuck it I have a legal team in training (shout out to S. Rocio and company) so I'll tell you right now - if I feel that it's warranted or if you just piss me off too early on a Monday, my defense will most certainly be that it was a Nimmer Assisted Suicide. 

And that's 20 minutes of me writing down my average thoughts... does that mean I consider and disregard better shit than you've been trained by the education system to think of? Well yes of course but it's also the reason that I can't be normal and give a damn about 98% of what you probably deem important. Who's to say which is better? Well obviously upon understanding the aforementioned -I am. So I guess I and those like me win in the end. But if it makes you feel better we don't take pride in beating out the likes of you. 

so mote it be,

Marc Tullius

STD giver found!

If you've been keeping up or took note of the last post there was a dirty hoe bandit out on the prowl "burnin niggas like usher". (Boom triple word play score because he's gay!) Anyway, a friend of mine was unaware as to how he or if he even infected his OCD monogamous Joseph Smith magic underwear wearing broad.

Well after further review the trail of yellow genital wart pus led back to a culprit. Who is it???

Wait for it... wait for it... it was the leaky bitch from the black lagoon! You know the nasty chick who tried to choke out her cobwebbed vagina in public on Sixth Street? Yeah her!

Gonorrhea, chlamydia and syphilis ("oh my" - Dorothy).Three STDs!!! It's like getting three 777s in a row in a slut machine but with a higher chance of aids. Before discussing that further I just want to stop and give credit where credit is due. Chlamydia and gonorrhea are both nine letters long. I honesty didn't think this remedial ass Eating as a Second Language petri dish bitch had it in her.

Of course "it" meaning the ability to spell...God knows she's had everything else in her. The only bitch on the planet that can fit more fingers inside of her at once is octo-mom: true story. I digress - so yeah despite me wanting to sacrifice my eyesight after seeing that mangled mess - my friend thrusted in his seed deliverer deep into her dark dank bowels; unafraid and unprotected!

Granted, condoms would do little to protect you from a vat of battery acid and are unnecessary in this case. Unnecessary because impregnation can only occur given that said sperm survive long enough to fertilize. Again - a pleasant side effect of stroking what most would consider un-strokable is that upon entry all things immediately give up their will to live. The infectious smell alone curdled the weak like twice digested cat milk...and the stronger of his potential children fared no better. The last surrendered its life as a born again christian sperm before hanging itself with its own tail.

Alas, my friend received the news and he did not falter. In fact, he was not surprised or phased whatsoever. He described it as being a sort of cosmic circle of life - kind of like karma. "I do triflin' things so I can't be mad when a ho does triflin' things too." The council including myself heard his logic and a few solemnly agreed. I...could not.

After a quick search on the CDC website I reported back. "My friend. Your logic cannot be right. I have contacted all that I could in hopes to verify...but you did not invent smallpox, the plague or death itself. Therefore, karma would not have tormented you this way." He said nothing.

I fear even more for my dear cancer surviving friend (has she not been through enough Jesus??) who has to sit in a classroom with this patient zero bitch. Yes. I know. The diseases are contained within the insets of the seeping jowls of her vagi-cave...the very same cave where sadness is born and happiness goes to die. As far as we know she has not birthed an airborne pathogen just yet...but then again we only have science on our side. The true question I have to pose to said friend is - how  many layers of hand-me-down torn cotton cloth can shield you from the very ooze that killed the dinosaurs? What makes you stronger than a velociraptor??

All kidding aside... that bitch is gross and I feel bad for everything involved in these stories. My eyes, what once was a functional penis, the fever ridden stubble colored vagi-virus and of course...the children. As we speak a new born is taking his very first breath in a room enshrouded with love. Little does he know that all too soon the day will come when the pus that guides her cravings will grow tired of imitation Mexican food and sperm. Then it will choose to consume the souls and lives of those who won't be strong or fast enough to escape its fanged grasps... Go with God my little friend because surely Hell is a pussy.